What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
