He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
