All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
