i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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