I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
