I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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