mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
as a side note pls kill me
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
