Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
