i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
