Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
