just tell him i said nine months
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
