if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
