Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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