Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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