Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
