woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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