Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
