I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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