You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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