He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
