Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
