Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
