You're my little dorito
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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