at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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