So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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