she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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