we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
