He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
