Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
