i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
