The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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