you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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