I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
