Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
