Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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