I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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