so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
