I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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