If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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