I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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