I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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