He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
