I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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