Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
