maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
