I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
