HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
