omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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