she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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