Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
