i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
