she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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