also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
