Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
